For many years, January the 8th for me has been a day of personal fasting. It has been one way of acknowledging that early on Wednesday, the 8th of January 1975, I was wheeled into surgery to have my right leg amputated through the hip.
Needless to say, life changed dramatically on that day. Remarkably, the anniversary this year also falls on a Wednesday. Even more remarkably, this Wednesday will be 50 years after the first.
Curiously most of the previous anniversary's came and went relatively quietly, yet this one seems weighty and more prescient. Maybe after 50 years, maybe after all else that has happened – good, bad and indifferent - maybe this year it is possible to allow the grief to come closer to the surface.
Of course, the day could be celebrated as the day my life was turned around for the better; the day I began to live a life with much more purpose and meaning. It is a sad fact for us human beings, that for most of us, it takes a major crisis to wake us up to what is really important in our lives, and to start to live life with that awareness.
Certainly 50 years ago too much was lost with the amputation to allow myself to feel it. The immediate need was to find some way through what had happened; to transmute, to transcend the losses, and to attempt to reinvent this new phase of life.
But now, 50 years later, amongst other things, it is certainly possible to say valuable lessons have been learned. So for this post, the seven most important lessons learned from 50 years on one leg, but first
Thought for the day
All my life I had been looking for something,
And everywhere I turned
Someone tried to tell me what it was.
I accepted their answers, too,
Though they were often in contradiction
And even self-contradictory....
I was looking for myself,
And asking everyone except myself
Questions which I, and only I, could answer.
Ralph Ellison - The Invisible Man
1. Our state of mind is a choice - choose wisely
Ten days after the amputation came a day of profound catharsis. Amidst the pain and the grief, a vision of my future life stretched out in front of me. There were two options. One, focus on what has been lost, and be consigned to a life of misery. Two focus on what is possible, and at least have the possibility of a good life.
Maybe I was fortunate to have the clarity and strength of mind to choose to focus on the possible, but I have witnessed many others do this same thing, and in doing so, transform their own adversity and go on to have a good life… choose wisely.
2. Disability is relative - make the most of what you have
Not many people can lay claim to being the very best at what they do. I have had the good fortune to work with and support two Olympic gold medallists. They were the very best in their chosen fields for a while, but in other fields they ranked only so-so.
Reasonably good at ten athletic events,
not particularly good at any one in particular.
Relative to the Olympians, in their field, quite disabled.
With two legs I was faster than many, slower than some.
Now with one leg, I am faster than some, slower than many.
What is there to learn?
Disability is relative - accept what you have, and what you can do.
Disability is relative - make the most of what you have, and what you can do.
3. People will look - check your ego
Do you sometimes get the feeling people are looking at you? Judging you? Forming opinions? Commentating?
People quite naturally will look at the space where my leg is not. However, they usually try to do so when they think I will not notice. Children up to the age of around 5 often ask questions, adult hardly ever; although around Namchi Bazaar in high altitude Nepal while trekking, Tibetan traders would leave their yaks, come up to me and put their hand on my stump to feel what was there. That was next level! The solution? Smile and laugh…
Point is - how do you feel about yourself? And within yourself?
Too tall, too short? Too thin, too wide? Nice body, ears too big? What is it you feel people may be staring at? If you are overly concerned with what you think other people might think about you, you are in for real problems.
So if you do feel a need to transmute this, here is a radical, but highly effective trick.
Get in front of a full-length mirror. Strip off… and have a look.
If you like what you see, can smile and laugh, no problem.
If there is some recoil, hang in there until a level of comfort is reached.
People will look - check your ego.
4. Pain is a sensation - it does not have to hurt
There have been a lot of sensations over the years, but happily not much hurt.
So much gratitude for this is due to my first meditation teacher and mentor Dr Ainslie Meares.
He taught me pain is made up of two things - a physical sensation, and a psychological reaction.
The physical aspect can come to be felt as just another sensation.
Just like we can feel hot or cold, wet or dry; pain is primarily a sensation that can be hot, sharp, dull, tight, liquid and so on.
Just a sensation.
But then it is the psychological reaction that brings the hurt.
The distress of thinking - what does this pain mean?
Will it ever go away? What if it gets worse?
Learning to differentiate the psychological reaction from the physical sensation transforms our perception of pain - pain does not have to hurt.
5. Life is precious, and fragile - make the most of it
This one comes with the risk of sounding like a cliché, yet it is true. The crisis I went through 50 years ago forced me into really appreciating how wonderful it is to be alive, and yet how fragile life is. In my decades of work with others affected by cancer, and similar life-threatening conditions, I have seen over and over how the same realisation has led to dramatic transformations in other people’s lives.
Almost unbelievably, many people have told me how developing cancer was the best thing that ever happened to them. The best! How so? Because it helped them to realise how much they did value their life, how uncertain their future was (it always was uncertain but they ignored that; the diagnosis made this truth unavoidably clear) and how these two facts led them to do what was in their hearts… to live as if life was truly precious, and really fragile - as it is. Make the most of every moment.
6. Deep relaxation provides longevity - learn and practise it regularly
For 50 years I have been off balance anatomically. My weight constantly rotates my lower back, and on top of this one of my lower vertebra was close to destroyed by my illness. Yet my back has been, and remains sound. I often reflect how marvellous this is - with both awe and gratitude. True, I do a lot to support my back, but the main benefits by far come from daily deep relaxation practises.
In the early days I learned to use the Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise, then learnt to do it more quickly and more deeply.
I cannot recommend this practice enough.
Deep relaxation is at the heart of profound healing - of body and mind - and is a vital precursor to all meditation and contemplative practices.
Deep Relaxation is the basis for longevity - just do it.
7. Meditation is the greatest gift you can give yourself
Without meditation I am not sure if I still would be here. Meditation helped me to adjust to the amputation, to endure, to transform. Then it helped me to heal again following the diagnosis of secondary cancer.
Ongoing, meditation has helped me to maintain some stability and clarity; some sense of direction and optimism through an incredibly broad and deep range of life experiences.
I enjoy the actual practise itself.
I am profoundly grateful for the many benefits it brings into my life.
I wonder at the privilege of having been able to write about and teach meditation for so many years.
Amazing!
Meditation? Again, just do it!
And so what might the future hold?
Who knows? Life is precious and impermanent.
Way back in February of 1976, my surgeon, whilst reviewing the way secondary cancer was devastating me, expressed the view that I would live only another two weeks. Who knows? Here I am. It has been a remarkable 2 weeks!
For now, it is a delight to be planning with Ruth to run more meditation retreats and Meditation Teacher Training programmes in 2025 - and beyond. Who knows?
Life is precious and fragile - make the most of it!
The top seven would not be complete without numbers 8 and 9
8. Maintain an attitude of gratitude
We all know how important is love, compassion, joy, equanimity and forgiveness.
Yet gratitude instantly transforms our state of mind for the better. So much to be grateful for. It is easy. From the small things, to the big ones; Maintain an attitude of gratitude.
9. Do not sweat the small stuff. It is all small stuff!
COMING EVENTS
The residential programs Ruth and I will present in 2025 are detailed below...
BOOKINGS for these programs are now open via our website: CLICK HERE
ALSO, I am presenting an online 8 week program, Meditation and Contemplation program starting the 13th February from 7.30pm AEDT. BOOKINGS also open: CLICK HERE
We will be joined by the delightful - and highly accomplished - Melissa Borich for Meditation in the Forest and the two meditation teacher trainings...
VENUE for all residential programs will be the Yarra Valley Living Centre, 55 Rayner Crt, Yarra Junction, Victoria, Australia
Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-1: Meditation 12 – 16 May 2025
The core training for those new to teaching meditation, or for those seeking to deepen their skills. Five days, fully residential with an extensive manual to guide delivery of an 8 week Mindfulness-based Stillness Meditation program, or adapt to your own needs
Meditation in the Forest Seven day meditation retreat open to all 2 – 8 June 2025
This year the focus will be on meditation – for inner peace and clarity; along with contemplation – for clear thinking, problem solving, creativity, insight, intuition and exploring the big questions in life. A great retreat; one of my very favourites!
Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-3: Imagery 1 – 5 November 2025
Training in how to teach both meditation and imagery. This training explores in depth how the mind works and how we can use it more effectively. Fascinating, personally relevant and highly empowering for your communities. Also five days, fully residential with an extensive manual.
Deep Natural Peace Long weekend mini retreat 14 – 16 November
Towards the end of the year, an ideal opportunity for some time out, some gentle introspection and reflection, letting go of the busyness and finishing the year on a meditative high.
