Three Month Solitary, Silent Retreat – Part 2: The Process - In which Ian attempts to explain what actually happened…

Every moment is new. It may seem the same as one gone by, but in truth, it is completely new. So on retreat, every moment is new – and that becomes more obvious. Therefore, writing about what happened on retreat is somewhat fraught as there were so many moments, so many new moments.

Not to be put off, what follows is a precis of the activities focused upon in this recent 3 month retreat; offered in the spirit it may be of interest; may be of use for someone else, but first

     Thought for the day – a long one as befits the retreat :)

Every single negative thing we have ever thought or done has ultimately arisen from our grasping at a false self, and our cherishing of that false self, making it the dearest and most important element in our lives. 

All those negative thoughts, emotions, desires, and actions that are the cause of our negative karma are engendered by self-grasping and self-cherishing. 

They are the dark, powerful magnet that attracts to us, life after life, every obstacle, every misfortune, every anguish, every disaster, and so they are the root cause of all the sufferings of samsara.

                           Sogyal Rinpoche

Having completed the Preparations – as described in the previous post – I embarked on the first day of a proposed solitary, silent retreat during the afternoon of Sunday the 7th July, 2025. Ruth and I embraced for quite some time, said no more, parted quietly and she drove away, leaving me to face my self.

A single room. 

A desk with a chair. 

A bed. 

A heater, food, books and a makeshift kitchen on the external verandah. 

Plus a small shrine and a meditation cushion. 

Silence. 

Where to start? 

The cushion, empty and looking somewhat forlorn, demanded priority. What else to do??? Three o’clock in the afternoon is a time where meditation usually only happens on retreat. So being on retreat, starting a retreat, it seemed logical enough to sit, fold my leg, straighten the back, and relax into the moment. This new moment…

The next few days had pretty much the same theme. Mostly sitting without expectation or ambition. Just sitting. Relaxing into the posture, letting go, and just sitting. Being aware of this present moment.

It felt appropriate to take a week or so to simply settle into the routine of being on retreat. I established a schedule for each day where the emphasis was on some reading, some walking, and around 4 hours meditation. Settling in gently.

Now some would say a good meditator has no hope or fear, and the implication is no goals. As I entered this retreat, as explained in the last post, my health remained quite fragile with the distinct possibility ever present I might end up back in an Intensive Care Ward with another acute abdominal episode. Good material for hope and fear… 

There was certainly a part of me that suspected if my condition did recur, I may not survive it next time. 

So I accepted this, took care with what I ate – as usual – and did several healing practices on top of the baseline meditation. 

Actually, no hope and fear does come easily enough for me generally, and it did so at this time as well.

But then goals. 

The issue is not the goal, but the attachment to them. 

Any attachment leads to hope and fear, and therein lies the rub, as the Bard once said. 

So I had a list of specific goals for the retreat and once settled, the first was to address the amazing loss of concentration that had lingered on after the recent stint in hospital. My mind was all over the place; so I determined to take it to “the gym”, the mind gym. 

Entering into one of the strictest phases of the retreat, I followed the style of a Zen sesshin; the 7 day intensive meditation practice that is a bit like the Vipassana retreats. Nine to ten hours of meditation a day. Forty minutes of sitting meditation, ten minutes slow walking meditation, forty minutes of sitting. A short break – cup of tea or a meal – and repeat. All the while the sole focus is on counting the breath in cycles of ten. 

If your mind goes to anything else, come back to one and start again. Counting the breath in cycles of ten. Lost count? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten. Thinking of something else? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten. Spaced out? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten. Blissed out? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten. Grumpy or fearful? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten. Wondering how long before the session ends? Off track. Come back to counting the breath in cycles of ten.

You get the idea… This is a practice that fosters concentration, and with the counting, provides an easy way to assess whether you are doing so or not.

Now keeping to this schedule while self-catering proved quite intense. 

And the fact this practice coincided with the coldest week of the year, and included a stormy night with a blackout and no heating, meant that by its conclusion; yes, my concentration had received a boost, yet physically I was a bit more debilitated.

So the next few days were spent in a fairly conscious rehab phase. 

Resting as well as meditation, reading and walking.

Then once the energy was back up a little, the next phase was on what is called Guru Yoga. This practice will be familiar to many in its more secular form – the White Light Imagery Exercise, where we start by invoking the highest source of goodness, wisdom, vitality and power we know, and then draw energy from that infinite source, and share it with others. 

In the more traditional version of this practice, the guru represents and embodies all those positive, life affirming qualities and being familiar, serves as the object of the practice extremely well.

In the event, what happened for me was this practice morphed into a very powerful healing practice. In a way similar to the White Light Imagery practice, I directed healing energy to my troublesome tummy, and remarkably, within two days it completely transformed. 

So while not quite back to 100%, the improvement was truly remarkable and it has persisted. My tummy has been very good since.

That practice continued on for some while.

During this period, I re-read Sogyal Rinpoche’s books The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying (I do re-read this each year and continue to find more detail and insight each time), and his not so readily available earlier work, Dzogchen and Padmasambhava (which you may find second hand – another great read).


Then I moved on to Andy Karr’s book Contemplating Reality (Andy is coming to Australia to give a retreat on this theme next Easter – details available soon) and combined that with going over notes from a wonderful 2015 retreat. 

The latter was in France with Sogyal Rinpoche and traversed all the main teachings of Dzogchen. 

A key section was devoted to contemplating reality, this attachment we have to self, what impact that has on our lives, and what we can do about it.

In the morning of the 21st August, while in the midst of this, while actually contemplating impermanence, there was a knock at my door. I knew immediately something major must have happened for my very supportive hosts to be contacting me directly. 

It was Ruth on the phone. Son David had taken his own life! 

Now just to say once again, a truly heartfelt thank you to all those kind people who supported Ruth and myself, David and our family through this tragic time.

I left retreat that day, travelled to the Gold Coat for the funeral and to be with the extended family, and 5 days later returned to the retreat.

Hard to put this time into words, so enough to say, the second half of the retreat was different, with time taken for silent grieving and completing the time set for the retreat.

In the next post, a little on outcomes – what benefits if any were, and are now noticeable from the retreat?

 

RELATED BLOGS

Three Month Solitary, Silent Retreat – Part 1- The Preparation

Meditation in a Time of Personal Crisis – What is Needed? What works?

 

COMING EVENTS

The residential programs Ruth and I will present in 2025 are now set. 

We are currently upgrading our website so we can share the relevant information more easily. Once this is completed early in January most likely, we will announce when bookings can commence, but for now, maybe make a note of the dates:

VENUE for all programs will be the Yarra Valley Living Centre, 55 Rayner Crt, Yarra Junction, Victoria, Australia

Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-1: Meditation   12 – 16 May 2025

The core training for those new to teaching meditation, or for those seeking to deepen their skills. Five days, fully residential with an extensive manual to guide delivery of an 8 week Mindfulness-based Stillness Meditation program, or adapt to your own needs

Meditation in the Forest   Seven day meditation retreat open to all   2 – 8 June 2025

This year the focus will be on meditation – for inner peace and clarity; along with contemplation – for clear thinking, problem solving, creativity, insight, intuition and exploring the big questions in life. A great retreat; one of my very favourites!

Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-3: Imagery   1 – 5 November 2025

Training in how to teach both meditation and imagery. This training explores in depth how the mind works and how we can use it more effectively. Fascinating, personally relevant and highly empowering for your communities. Also five days, fully residential with an extensive manual.

Deep Natural Peace     Long weekend mini retreat    14 – 16 November

Towards the end of the year, an ideal opportunity for some time out, some gentle introspection and reflection, letting go of the busyness and finishing the year on a meditative high.

Also to note: The wonderfully Sandy Clinton who has been our much-appreciated administrator is unable to continue into 2025. In her place, we now have the equally delightful Mel Crow, whom many might recall from her days working in programs for the Gawler Foundation. So a big thank you to Sandy, and a warm welcome to Mel; no doubt the changeover will be seamless.

 

 

Three Month Solitary, Silent Retreat – Part 1: The Preparation

It is not a particularly common thing to leave day-to-day life behind and head off for a 3 month, solitary, silent retreat. Having just done so, many have been asking – Why? How? What happened? And given there does not seem to be much on record from others who have done this, it could be useful to provide some details.

Now, to be clear, there must be many ways to approach and complete a retreat like this, and in the broader scheme of things, many people do much longer retreats. So this is one story, to be told in 3 parts – the preparation, the process (what I did), and the discernible outcomes. So this week, the preparation, but first

            Thought for the day

     A powerful jet plane needs a good pilot; 

     The pilot of your mind should be the wisdom 

     That understands its own nature. 

     In that way, 

     You can direct your powerful mental energy 

     To benefit your life 

     Instead of letting it run about uncontrollably 

     Like a mad elephant, 

     Destroying yourself and others.


                           Lama Thubten Yeshe

Preparing for a 3 month solitary, silent retreat

There is a lot to do! A bit like going on a long holiday, one needs to clear the space to be able to get away, and then ensure all required is in place…

The Lead-up

Speaking personally – as much of this account will be – my whole life led to this retreat. If you consider this for a moment, everything we have thought, done and felt throughout our life impacts upon and guides what we do in any given moment. And who knows about the impact of previous lives? 

What we can say with certainty, is there is quite a build up before making the decision to engage in a longer retreat. 

So I have been on around 50 retreats as a participant – ranging from a week up to 3 months. 

Yet all but one week were in the company of others and with a teacher present; as both a guide and an anchor. 

Also, I have led or co-led around 100 meditation retreats for others, along with over 200 residential retreat-like programs for people dealing with major illness; mostly cancer and some MS.

I mention this to point out this latest retreat did not involve me “jumping off into the deep end”; I have plenty of prior experience with being on retreat; although only one week with the solitary, silent version.

Motivation

So why do it? Excellent question. Motivation is the reason we do things. In Tibetan Buddhism, they often speak of 3 levels of motivation – outer, inner and secret. The outer reason is the one you would tell anyone. The inner reason is kept for close friends, while the secret reason may be shared with your intimate confidant or not shared at all.

On the outer level, the retreat offered the opportunity for a focussed period of study and practice. 

On the inner, more personal level, I had several aims in mind. 

The first was, to regain some clarity and stability after emerging from a severe health problem after Easter this year. 

Having been hospitalised and unable to eat or drink for 10 days, I had become severely debilitated, and my concentration was shot. 

Then, having been on a profound 3 month retreat in France in 2015, there was a strong motivation to go over the notes and practice the techniques from that retreat in some sustained depth.

On the secret level, it is always to do with the quest for enlightenment. For me, and for this retreat, amongst other things, this involved the aspiration to address one of the key issues of this life - to contemplate the nature of reality; and to challenge the inordinate attachment we all seem to have to self.

Volition or Will-power

Volition, or as we more commonly know it, will-power, is different to motivation. Our motivation reflects our desire to do something and is held as a goal, while volition concerns our level of commitment to achieving that goal. Volition is to do with how much drive we have; how much energy we put into accomplishing a particular goal.

To go on an extended retreat, one needs both; the motivation needs to be clear, the volition strong. Not sure you could manufacture either really, or why you would want to? Unless both arise quite naturally with clarity and strength, my guess is one would not embark on such a venture. I was totally committed!

The Logistics

Making time

It is not so easy amidst the busyness of modern life and with all our inter-personal relationships, work and other pre-occupations, to disengage from them all for 3 months. I am fortunate to be semi-retired and self-employed and to have an enthusiastically supportive partner in my wife, Ruth.

But also, having in days gone by taken months off when working full time amidst family commitments, there is a choice to be made… Take time away and aim to come back a better person; or maintain the status quo. Worth reflecting upon…

Finding a venue

There are few opportunities available within Australia for solitary, silent retreats. 

I looked widely and was fortunate that Maitripa, the Buddhist Retreat Centre in the hills outside Healesville in Victoria offered me a single room on the periphery of their accommodation. 

Happily, being winter, they only had a couple of external groups stay during my time, so there were few external distractions.

Also, the couple who act as caretakers, Daniel and Lisa, were incredibly supportive, generating a very conducive atmosphere while keeping both silence and distance with me. 

Catering

As I planned to self-cater, there was a need to stock up with non-perishables before the retreat – and purchase 3 large tin trunks for storage. Obtaining fresh food appeared a challenge until a friend and colleague – who happens to be a Buddhist nun living in Healesville – heard of my plans and offered to shop for me. This worked really well. I sent a weekly email to Zangmo, whom some may have met as the fabulous shiatsu therapist on many of our retreats; and she silently dropped the goodies off each week :)

Also, to avoid interactions with others, a make-shift kitchen was set up on the veranda near my room, and again, I was fortunate to realise at the last minute that instead of cooking with a gas burner, there are now available small, portable, electric, induction cooktops and one of these worked very well. 

Bit chilly making dinner on the cold, dark winter nights, but preparing the meal in daylight made that easier…

Resources

I took notes from previous retreats, just 3 books to read, a diary, note paper, a big rug for the floor to make the room cosier, and plenty of woollies. I did take a computer and mobile. Had the mobile off pretty much the whole time; used the computer to look up material relevant to the retreat and check the results of the Olympics and AFL finals. Some things are just not worth fighting :)

Health

In the lead up, and on starting the retreat, my health was quite fragile. My tummy in particular was still quite unhappy. It felt like it could relapse any time and have me needing to call an ambulance once again. Also, I had only put on a little weight since the stint in hospital and my energy levels were still very low. On top of this, for around 2 hours each day, I was having a bout of feeling painfully tired. Having had high energy levels all my life, this was quite a change; particularly to feel painfully tired.

But there was a need to face the reality that if I did put off starting the retreat, given all the inter-dependent factors at play, I would be either reducing the retreat time accordingly, or cancelling altogether. Neither appealed, so the decision was made to start…

Therefore, noticing the dance around hope and fear, on Sunday, 2nd July, I formally entered into the first day of the retreat.

Next post: The Process – what I actually did on retreat…

 

COMING EVENTS

The residential programs Ruth and I will present in 2025 are now set. 

We are currently upgrading our website so we can share the relevant information more easily. Once this is completed, we will announce when bookings can commence, but for now, maybe make a note of the dates:

VENUE for all programs will be the Yarra Valley Living Centre, 55 Rayner Crt, Yarra Junction, Victoria, Australia

Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-1: Meditation   12 – 16 May 2025

The core training for those new to teaching meditation, or for those seeking to deepen their skills. Five days, fully residential with an extensive manual to guide delivery of an 8 week Mindfulness-based Stillness Meditation program, or adapt to your own needs

Meditation in the Forest   Seven day meditation retreat open to all   2 – 8 June 2025

This year the focus will be on meditation – for inner peace and clarity; along with contemplation – for clear thinking, problem solving, creativity, insight, intuition and exploring the big questions in life. A great retreat; one of my very favourites!

Meditation Teacher Training – MTT-3: Imagery   1 – 5 November 2025

Training in how to teach both meditation and imagery. This training explores in depth how the mind works and how we can use it more effectively. Fascinating, personally relevant and highly empowering for your communities. Also five days, fully residential with an extensive manual.

Deep Natural Peace     Long weekend mini retreat    14 – 16 November

Towards the end of the year, an ideal opportunity for some time out, some gentle introspection and reflection, letting go of the busyness, a little conversation, maybe some silence and lots of time to meditate together. Finish the year on a meditative high...

Also to note: The wonderfully Sandy Clinton who has been our much-appreciated administrator is unable to continue into 2025. In her place, we now have the equally delightful Mel Crow, whom many might recall from her days working in programs for the Gawler Foundation. So a big thank you to Sandy, and a warm welcome to Mel; no doubt the changeover will be seamless.

Meditation, Contemplation and Teacher Training - a pictorial essay

There is something quite magical that happens when 30 people with altruistic intention come together to learn how to teach meditation to others. Ruth and I have just had this wonderful experience, when along with our colleague Murray Paterson we led a widely varied group through 5 days of Meditation Teacher Training, where this time the specific focus was upon contemplation.

It has been well said that to teach someone else to meditate is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Then when it comes to contemplation, this is a personal practice that offers so much, and yet it is taught so infrequently, and for which there are hardly any books in print.

So our group came together, learnt theory (from our 200+ page manual), practised on each other, meditated and contemplated together; and the atmosphere was buzzing!!!

Not sure I can remember a more upbeat group or training for many long years; it was all such a delight; not the least as the spring was in full bloom at the Yarra Valley Living Centre so lovingly cherished by the BKs.

So it felt that this was a good time to produce another photographic essay – to convey something of the feeling of the training, and to celebrate all these amazing meditation teachers to be…

But first, 

      Thought for the day

Through the wisdom that comes from hearing (listening to teachings), 

You are able to recognize the disturbing emotions.

Then through the wisdom that comes from reflection (contemplation), 

You are able to overcome the disturbing emotions temporarily.

And finally, through the wisdom that comes through meditation 

You conquer completely the enemy of negative emotions,

And obtain the confidence of the inexpressible wisdom 

Of discriminating awareness.

                         Chokyi Drakpa

Contemplation has five main benefits:

1. Clarity – we learn how to use the thinking mind more logically and make good decisions

2. Insight – we learn how to gain deeper understanding of the knowledge we hold

3. Intuition – we learn how to access profound truths; directly and independently of thinking and  emotions 

4. Creativity – we learn how to access deep wells of creativity that can lead to both innovation and artistic creations

5. Embodiment – we learn how to take an idea, an intellectual understanding, into our body, into our heart; to live it and to become more authentic.  

Contemplation is one of the most powerful self-empowering tools there are...

And so, the training…

    Five days, fully residential, 30 people; 

    The altruism to teach:

   The beauty of the Upper Yarra Valley in spring

   

      And some of the wildlife 

   – this happy fellow right outside 

      the Meditation Sanctuary

    

      Meditating together

     Learning together

        Eating together

      Noble conversation together

     

        Laughing and energising each other

     Practising leading meditation 

     and contemplation together

                                                                                 Promises of things to come… 

Teachers of the future… 

A celebration…

NEXT YEAR

Meditation Training and Retreat Plans for 2025 :

May 12 - 15   Meditation Teacher Training - 1: Meditation

June 2 - 8    Meditation Retreat with Contemplation the focus

November 1 - 5   Meditation Teacher Training - 3: Guided Imagery

November 14 - 16   Deep, Natural Peace: Weekend Meditation Retreat

All planned to be held at The Yarra Valley Living Centre

Details will appear on the website soon....

Contemplation – the experience and the training

Contemplation. Interested to develop your own skills, and more importantly, teach contemplation to others? Contemplation develops our ability to think more clearly and make better decisions. Contemplation reliably provides access to profound insights and intuition – two of the hallmarks of great leaders.

Strangely, little is written specifically on how to practice contemplation, and there are very few opportunities to learn this invaluable skill. So you may like to consider joining our 5 day residential Contemplation and Meditation Teacher Training program in November 2024. 

So this post, details of this exciting Contemplation and Meditation Teacher Training program, and pre-empting the 7 day meditation retreat next year will focus upon contemplation and meditation, but first

      Thought for the day

            If you love truth,

            Be a lover of silence.

            Silence, like the sunlight

            Will illuminate you in God

St Isaac of Syria, 7th Century Hermit Monk

The Contemplation and Meditation Teacher Training will be led by myself, my wife Ruth and our colleague Murray Paterson – who had many years as head of Learning and Development at the major legal firm Herbert, Smith and Freehills.

This contemplation training has been delivered several times in years gone by, but now comes completely revised and updated. 

The training will be based upon a new, very thorough, 180 page manual. 

It will provide you with the skills and confidence to teach contemplation in a specific 8 week program, or apply sections of the material to enhance other trainings with which you may be engaged already – in corporate, educational or community settings.

This contemplation teacher training will be highly experiential and is designed to meet the needs of those relatively new to this domain, as well as the more experienced seeking to deepen their knowledge and skills. 

The training is provided in a residential setting in the magnificent Upper Yarra Valley. 

This will enable you to take some time out while you focus on the learning and practices. 

There will be the bonus of meeting, networking and sharing with like-minded people; a major feature of our trainings.

This contemplation teacher training includes 40 hours of in-person training and is officially approved by Meditation Australia - the National peak body for meditation teachers. Being a registered teacher training course our graduates have expedited eligibility for membership with Meditation Australia, including a 50% discount on the application fee.

Bookings for the training are now open and filling quite quickly. This is a unique opportunity to learn how to practice and teach the wonderful skills of contemplation. It is one of my favourite programs to present as the benefits are so reliable and encompassing; and we get to discuss what genuine intuition really is – and how it can be accessed. 

As an aside, the meditation retreat Ruth and I plan for next year will have this same theme of contemplation and meditation, so if you are interested in contemplation but not in teaching, this will suit you much better – more on that to come later once details are finalised.

For now: Contemplation and Meditation Teacher Training program

Dates: Saturday November 2nd to Wednesday 6th 2024 

(over the weekend and Melbourne Cup holiday for those in Victoria)

Venue: The Yarra Valley Living Centre, 55 Rayner Crt, Yarra Junction

Bookings: Go to our website for more details and then apply to join through our retreat manager Sandy Clinton – all details on the website…

PS For those curious and aware of me being on retreat, this post was scheduled earlier :)

The Gawler’s Meditation Retreat 2024 – a photographic essay

What is it like to take 7 days out of a busy life to enter into a residential meditation retreat? 

What happens? What do people go through, and what are the benefits? 

This week, a photographic essay from the recent Meditation in the Forest retreat held at the Yarra Valley Living Centre, and then a little on the 3 month solitary, silent retreat I begin soon, but first

      Thought for the day (a long and very evocative offering!)

Do not let your solitude obscure the presence 

Of something within it that wants to emerge. 

Precisely this presence will help your solitude expand. 

People are drawn to the easy 

And to the easiest side of the easy. 

But it is clear that we must hold ourselves 

To the difficult, as is true for everything alive. 

Everything in nature grows 

And defends itself in its own way 

And against all opposition, 
Straining from within and at any price 

To become distinctively itself. 

It is good to be solitary, because solitude is difficult, 

And that a thing is difficult 

Must be even more of a reason for us to undertake it.

To love is good too, for love is difficult. 

For one person to care for another, 

That is perhaps the most difficult thing required of us, 

The utmost and final test, 

The work for which all other work is but a preparation. 

With our whole being, 

With all the strength we have gathered, 

We must learn to love. 

This learning is ever a committed and enduring process.

            Rilke

They say by simply arriving at a retreat, half the benefit is obtained. 

Consider this… There is a lot to do to clear space to go away by your self for a week. While some do go with their partners, many rely on family to manage without them, rely on colleagues to cover for them and need to assert their own needs to actually take the time; to make the time. Not easy. Intention counts for a lot.

Many who came to our recent meditation retreat had been to previous retreats with us, but many were new and there had been quite a gap since the one before - what with COVID and life as it unfolds.

So it is not uncommon to arrive at a retreat with some apprehension. How will I go? What will the group be like? The food? The teachings? All the meditation? Just spending time away from distractions and being in my own company? What will it all be like?


Of course, for many, these are the things they crave – time on their own, time out from busy lives with busy schedules. Time to have meals prepared and served for you, A routine. Plenty of guided meditation and yoga. Time to walk amidst the majestic trees of the Yarra Valley. The labyrinth. Sit by the Little Yarra River. Slow down. Breathe more deeply. Regenerate. Refresh.

Quite a few of the participants were people with long-standing, regular practice. They were coming to deepen their practice, spend time with like-minded people and to simply enjoy the entirety of the retreat.

Others were relatively new and were seeking to dive in more deeply; while many more described themselves as lapsed meditators who needed help and inspiration to return to regular practice.

Each day of our meditation retreats has a theme. For this one, where the focus was squarely on meditation, we started with relaxation; deep relaxation. This was led by our wonderful yoga teacher Melissa Borich who brings a great depth of experience and understanding to the relaxation practices. Then we had an overview of meditation by myself, Ruth presenting on mindfulness – where she earned the moniker of “The Mindfulness Queen”, and then me again on awareness, stillness and integration.

We recognise for many, our retreats are an important part of their yearly holiday times. Valuable times where the need is not just to retreat but to regenerate. Hence we aim to strike a happy balance between long meditation times and short; and add the joys of yoga options, walking meditation out in nature, optional body therapies (with a great team of therapists) and a generally light touch.

In the event, this recent retreat brought together people for every state and territory in Australia except Tasmania, as well as people from the North and South Island of New Zealand. The group came together remarkably quickly and well; while the bonding was actually deepened during 2 days of well-held silence.

Speaking personally, I was a little apprehensive about my own capacity to play a significant role in the retreat, given my recent health issues. In fact, I became energised by the group and all the meditation we did together, and like everyone else, left feeling much better than I did on arrival.

So, it was a delight to put this all together; to return to leading retreats after the recent hiatus and to work once again with these two amazing women - Ruth and Melissa. The 3 of us look forward to presenting another retreat next year. In all likelihood, we will theme the 2025 retreat around contemplation…

A big thank you to the Brahma Kumaris for hosting us, to Sandy Clinton our administrator, and to all those others who helped make the retreat possible and such a joyful success.

More on a personal note

In a few days I will enter a 3 month, solitary, silent retreat. The focus will be upon meditation; I will do some reading but no phone, emails or general computer use. Solitary and silent. Another big thank you to Ruth and everyone else who is making it possible for me to take this time. Maybe I will write something once it is over; we shall see… and in the interim, no blogs folks, so my apologies in advance.

Here is another quote:

      In horror of death, I took to the mountains.

      Again and again I meditated on the uncertainty of the hour of death.

      Capturing the fortress of the deathless unending nature of mind,

      Now all fear of death is over and done.

               Milarepa – Tibetan saint

Spare me a kind thought :)

What are people saying about The Meditation in the Forest retreat?

“ Enriching. An opportunity to focus on self and slow down. So very informative from all 3 presenters. Accommodation, food, assistance from staff all wonderful. Excellent value for money.” Alice

 “The balance was great. Really enjoyed having sufficient time to digest and reflect and read my notes. As usual lovely food, very comfortable dorm and loved the gentle, helpful demeanour of all the staff. Please pass on my gratitude. It has been just what I needed. I feel as if I have had a reboot and am feeling very positive about weaving all the learnings back into my life on return.”Betsy

“ Very good. I enjoyed meditating for longer periods than I was used to and the lead meditations were excellent. The retreat was very well organised and the balance was just right. I had body therapies - Shiatsu and Spinal Flow and they were both very good.I really enjoyed the retreat and feel like I’ve improved my meditation practice, learnt a lot and met a lot of lovely people.” Glenn

 

 

 

Last minute vacancy at retreat 22 Jun 24

There maybe someone or some people for whom this is just right. Is it the right time for doing something spontaneous, impromptu and meaningful?

We have a last minute cancellation for the meditation retreat set to start this Saturday at 11am in the Yarra Valley.

From a full house we now have a twin room that could take 1 or 2 people, and rather than just leave it unannounced and empty, maybe there is someone for whom this is just right! Synchronicity can be a wonderful thing.

Promises to be a great retreat, and such a last minute decision would make it even more memorable! Winter is a perfect time for introspection, meditation and regeneration...

Check out the details below and enquire asap.

See you there?


Meditation in the Forest with Ian and Ruth Gawler, and Melissa Borich.

11am Saturday June 22nd to 2pm Friday June 28th 2024

DETAILS AND BOOKINGS: LINK HERE 

 

The Stages of Life - and a time for retreating

Sometimes life does offer us the opportunity to full fill something that does come from deep within the heart. For some time now, the call to a longer, silent retreat in solitude has been growing. Soon I will head into the hills for 3 months and 3 days; to quietly sit. This aligns with the stage of life in which I find myself to be.

So this week, a little on the stages of life and personal retreat, but first

   Thought for the day

      It should no longer be your concern 

     That the world speaks of you; 

     Your sole concern should be 

     With how you speak to yourself.

     Retreat into yourself, 

     But first of all make yourself ready 

     To receive yourself there. 

     If you do not know how to govern yourself, 

     
It would be madness to entrust yourself to yourself. 

     There are ways of failing in solitude as in society.

                                    Michel de Montaigne 

The Hindu tradition of India has a long history of dividing life into four dramatically different segments or phases - aśrama as it is known.

First comes Bramacharya, the time of being a student and single.

Second is Grihastha, when the focus is to make a family and a living; a time of being engaged with wordly pursuits such as seeking pleasure, wealth and all the material world has to offer. Commonly, Grihastha begins around the age of 20.

Third is Vanaprastha, when we begin to withdraw from the world and begin to attune more to the spiritual life along with adopting an increasingly hermit-like lifestyle. Vanaprastha commonly begins around 50. It is time for grand children and the time to hand over to the next generation. It is time for community service and spiritual pursuit; time to act more as a mentor and benefactor; a time to share any wisdom gathered so far. 

Fourth and finally comes Sannyasa, when renouncing the material world and dedicating life to spiritual realisation becomes the sole focus. It often begins around 70 to 75.

The intention of sannyasa is to live a simple, peaceful, love-inspired, spiritual life very similar to the monks and nuns of Buddhism, Christianity and other traditions.

Sannyasa is a form of asceticism. 

A male is known as a sannyasin, a female a sannyasini. 

Sannyasa does not necessarily mean abandoning society although in India many did and still do leave their families and homes and become wandering spiritual beggars. 

They may have a walking stick, a book, a container or vessel for food and drink, often wearing yellow, orange, or soil coloured clothes. They may have long hair and appear dishevelled, and are usually vegetarians.

Alternatively, Sannyasins may simply aim to abandon the conventions of their society and aim instead for a more liberated, content, free and blissful existence.

In the Hindu Karma Yoga tradition, acting without greed or craving for results is considered a form of detachment in daily life similar to Sannyasa. Sharma states, "the basic principle of Karma yoga is that it is not what one does, but how one does it that counts and if one has the know-how in this sense, one can become liberated by doing whatever it is one does", and "(one must do) whatever one does without attachment to the results, with efficiency and to the best of one's ability. 

Bit like mindfulness, or even more-so, pure awareness.

Rudyard Kipling describes taking sannyasa beautifully and eloquently in his story “The Miracle of Purun Bhagat", featured in The Second Jungle Book (1895). 

The story recounts an influential Indian politician abandoning his worldly goods to become an ascetic holy man. 

Later, he saves a village from a landslide with the help of the local animals whom he has befriended. 

I have read this story at a number of meditation retreats, always accompanied by tears I find it so moving. 

Kiplings take on the stages are somewhat different to the traditional ones. 

He described Purun Bhagat having divided his own life, as the Old Law recommends, twenty years a youth, twenty years a fighter, — though he had never carried a weapon in his life, — and twenty years head of a household. 

Then despite all his good works and fame, he leaves it all behind to become a fully-fledged sannyasin.

So for me, autumn is definitely well advanced. The seasons are changing… it is winter at present here in Melbourne…

And now, from July to October there is the good fortune to be able to go into silent retreat. Ruth is very supportive and helping to make it possible; it is a blessing that family and work commitments can be put on hold as well.

The retreat will mainly feature meditation; may do a little reading and study, but mostly sitting and walking meditation. Who knows what it might lead to? I will not be writing during the retreat; will not be speaking, will not be looking at texts or emails. Just a long time with self… Could be interesting…

Many thanks to all who are making this possible…

As always, the wish is for you and all those you care for to have long and happy lives…

 PS A large part of this post was first aired 6th September 2017 when I was considering retiring in full. As it happened, I did retire from quite a few things, but felt moved to continue offering meditation through Allevi8, through retreats and teacher trainings; not to mention the work with the Centres for Contemplative Studies at University of Melbourne and Monash. So as you were reading this and there was is a sense of deja vu...

 

 

 

Meditation in a Time of Personal Crisis – What is Needed? What works?

Whether to write this post or not; that is the first question. Having been through an intense medical crisis, is it useful to share something of the experience? 

Many meditation teachers, particularly traditional ones, rarely divulge their personal experiences. They tend to teach as if their audiences are “well”, and in a good state to practice. Yet many come to meditation exactly because of a personal crisis. 

Certainly in years gone by, my own work centred around helping people who often came to meditation in response to a major health crisis such as cancer or MS; or other major life-changing events.

So why the reserve in sharing personal meditation experiences? 

All teachers – of meditation or anything else – teach in one of two ways. 

The first is driven by ego – look at me, how wonderful I know all this stuff I can teach, how good am I, etc, etc. 

\The second is where the teacher aspires to teach in a largely ego-less way. 

Few teachers are at either extreme.

Most of us are somewhere along that spectrum.

This is one of many reasons I enjoy offering myself as a teacher – it provides another domain in which to address the ego and attempt to tame it; an ongoing challenge! 

And no doubt this is why so many meditation teachers traditionally did not share their experiences – to avoid the ego trap.

But here we are in current times where the need for guidance is high. So pardon me while I attempt to contain the ego, and together we go Out on a Limb once more while I share what I did when faced with my own recent major health challenge; but first

 Thought for the Day

      To bring peace to my mind and my own experience 

      There is nothing else. 

      Just to reduce these negative emotions 

      And create more kindness and compassion, 

      Because that is best for me, 

      That is best for everybody.

      It is nothing mysterious, 

      It is nothing religious, 

      It is nothing spiritual, 

      It is just very simple.

                                          Ringu Tulku Rinpoche  (now there is an ego-less teacher!)

Another reason for deep reflection before sharing these experiences is that in truth, I did not do all that much when it comes to using particular techniques! This is another part of the reservation in writing about this; we need to observe there may well be differences in what works for someone who has been meditating for almost 50 years, when compared to what might help a rank beginner. Even acknowledging this is another potential ego trap…

As a beginner, techniques are very useful – essential for most. However, as our practice develops, it can become more direct.

As a beginner faced with a crisis, the first thing is to seek some respite and some balance. In my experience, this is best accomplished by concentrating on the feeling in the body as we go through the Progressive Muscle Relaxation. This exercise is easy to learn and simple to practice. It works well when led by the voice of a friend or via an App like Allevi8. 

Yet the PMR reliably leads to deep physical relaxation, which then flows on to relax the mind. Deep relaxation of body and mind brings an immediate sense of relief, clears the mind to make good decisions and brings the body and mind into balance; which creates an ideal environment for healing. I have witnessed many people transform a crisis from this starting point. More details are in Blue Sky Mind.

However, speaking personally…  recently, following a second bout of COVID, I developed a weird functional bowel obstruction. 

This landed me in the Emergency Ward in acute shock.

Then ten days on a drip unable to eat or drink.

A total of 16 days in hospital before released... 

Absolutely zero energy, high levels of discomfort; dancing on the edge…

                                 The hospital room view :)

On reflection, what I drew upon most was a long body of study and practice. It felt like the “credit” from years of regular meditation flowed into this acute situation. There was a stability and inner calm despite the extreme circumstances. There was openness, an acknowledgement of what was happening, its potential severity, and yet, almost remarkably, no hope or fear. 

Fear we can relate to easily in difficult situations – and we can understand how more than just leaving us feeling miserable, it can obscure us from thinking clearly, and worse, give rise to panic. The danger is of becoming overwhelmed; of freaking out, then making poor decisions that result in bad outcomes for us and for those around us. Worst case scenario – we die leaving a mess behind.

Yet hope too takes us out of current time, out of the moment. Hope actually is another agitated state. While hope is touted as being so important, and it genuinely is for those feeling hopeless, it is an important starting point; hope is the flip side of fear, and both can be problematic.

This is one of the reasons I love sport, for while sport easily reveals itself as a game, hope and fear can easily creep in. 

Sport provides a great practice ground in which to be engaged, to be present, yet almost like an impartial observer, free of hope and fear. 

Who will win this year’s premiership???

Back to the illness; and accompanying all this, a quiet confidence. 

A confidence based on years of experience with the Mind-Body connection. 

Knowing that healing comes from balance – and the mind is in balance when free of hope and fear, when it is open, at ease and at peace. 

Next - a heightened awareness. Not so much mindfulness – that is where the mind goes out to concentrate on something. Awareness – where, like the impartial observer, we are fully present and allowing whatever is going on around us, to come to us. Open awareness. Awareness takes little to no effort; – which matched my capacity – but also is a powerful practice. Simply be aware. Be present. Leave it as it is, and be aware.

So this is the practice that flowed through the toughness of the experience. Open awareness. Not blocking, not disassociating, not fearing outcome, not hoping for anything in

particular except trusting in the best outcome. A baseline of confidence it would be OK – either I recover or I die, and either would be OK. 

But perhaps most importantly, a deeper connection with that all pervasive stillness. That presence some call God, others inner truth, our inner essence, the true nature of our mind; that presence that is beyond words, beyond description yet a presence we can experience in the depth of our meditation. A presence that then comes to pervade all of our life and provides this inner certitude, inner confidence, inner warmth. That direct experience of the all pervasive quality of unconditional love and its expression in this life we live. The real “credit” from years of regular meditation.

Plus a real sense of gratitude for all the staff and facilities that carried me through; and for the love of those around me

 – especially Ruth, the friend who made time amidst their own personal busyness to come into the hospital and quietly meditate with me, (I was too exhausted to interact in any “normal” way) and all those who prayed for me and sent well wishes.

Occasionally some focused relaxation in an attempt at relief; and yes some pain medication as I became so physically debilitated and worn down by the obstruction. 

I did also regularly invoke spiritual support in a way similar to the White Light guided imagery practice, and had the recognition all of I was going through, me included, is inherently empty and will pass. 

And maybe we talk more of the role of positive thinking another time…

                                                         Taken in hospital, closer to release time; starting to feel a little better

So… a long post, and  not sure how helpful this is. It is not so easy to put into words and maybe it might come across better in a conversation, however, there it is – a shared experience of meditation in a time of crisis; told by one who survived… 

What next?!

The good news is, and thanks to all who have cared about me through all this, I am feeling better slowly but steadily and actually woke up feeling comfortable in my body this morning - it has been a while...

Should be fit and well for the meditation retreat in 3 weeks time...

:)

A Tribute to My Wife

An unusual topic for a blog, but Ruth’s story of recent years is one of overcoming severe adversity and going on to flourish. Her timing was impeccable as I have been severely ill myself lately, and while providing me with exceptional care, Ruth also led the recent Meditation Teacher Training for which I was incapacitated. 

So this week, another great story of transforming obstacles and suffering into strength and service, but first

         Thought for the Day

   So I encourage you - bow eagerly to love. 

   Follow its humble stirrings in your heart. 

   Let it guide you in this life 

   And it will bring you safely to eternal bliss in the next. 

   Love is the essence of all goodness. 

   Without it, no kind work is ever begun or finished. 

   Simply put, love is a good will in harmony with God.

                            The Cloud of Unknowing

Many of you will have read Ruth’s blog posts recounting her extreme health issues over the past 3 years. (links below) First severe chronic back pain, then totally debilitating long COVID. It is important to recount the long COVID not only depleted all her energy and created multiple tough physical symptoms, it also induced what is called organic brain syndrome. It was like the virus created an autoimmune reaction which meant her body attacked itself, and even worse, her mind attacked itself.

This left Ruth extremely anxious, hyper-reactive, fearful of everything; feeling paranoid and remote from all around her – including me much of the time. To make matters even more difficult, being trained in psychological medicine and a dedicated student of the mind all her life, Ruth was aware of these changes in her mind, but remained unable to override or significantly change them.

The long COVID lasted well over a year, and not surprisingly took a toll. While for me it was actually a pleasure to be able to care for Ruth and help her to stay out of institutionalised care – as was recommended to her by 3 different psychiatrists, unfortunately some others around her found the mental illness challenging.

Here we need to observe the difference between how our community tends to relate to physical illness or injury, compared to mental illness. 

When someone breaks a leg for example, pretty well everyone finds it easy to accept the injury.

We take it on face value and treat the person affected with compassion.

Mental illness can be tough. 

Often there is the sense the person affected is “weak”; if not their mind would be working OK. 

People with mental illness can behave and say things that can be outright confronting, yet often we fail to see through their words or actions and instead of responding to the person with the compassion and consideration they warrant, we take what they say or do both seriously and personally.

For me, while some people were exceptionally caring and supportive, the reactions of some around Ruth during this time were quite disappointing, and it happened again as she went through another turbulent time coming off the medication taken during the latter stages of her illness. 

Anyway, Ruth is now medication free, and really well both physically and mentally. What a delight. 

My turn! 

Early this April we both developed COVID for the second time while staying on the NSW Central Coast. Ruth had a very minor episode; I was completely flattened and slept for two days. Soon after we needed to travel home by car back from which further debilitated me and triggered a weird functional bowel obstruction. Acutely ill, from April 16th, the next 16 days were spent in hospital. Did not eat or drink for around 10 days; sustained on a drip. Lost a lot of weight, totally debilitated and generally danced close to the edge once again.

Now amidst all this, Ruth and I, along with our dear colleague Murray Paterson, were scheduled to lead the first of our scheduled Meditation Teacher Training programs for this year from May 6th – 10th; a couple of weeks away. 

I had spent many months previously compiling a comprehensive, 180 page new manual for this program, but as it was just completed, was yet to share it with Ruth and Murray. 

So we needed to decide. 

Cancel the program and disappoint those booked, or rely on Ruth and Murray to learn and deliver the program in short time. 

Ruth did not hesitate, and Murray was keen. So we advised those planning to come off the changes and the training went ahead with one drop out and one new person joining. Ruth was confident with her regained energy and newfound inner strength and confidence, she and Murray could do it.

And so they did! 

Remarkably, and as a tribute to their previous study and practice, the two of them delivered the program and received rave reviews from all those participating. Ruth and Murray’s capacity to accomplish this with such a short lead time, was very heartening to the course participants. Quite amazing really. Happily, the detail in the manual made it possible for them to understand, learn and deliver the material to a high level in a short space of time. The trainees found this very encouraging for their own aspirations to teach.                        

                                                                                           Participants practicing guiding meditation 

We will be presenting Module 2 of this year’s Meditation Teacher Training in November when the focus will be on teaching a Meditation and Contemplation course. I may even be fit to help by then :). Also, the plan is to repeat the basic Meditation Teacher Training next year, as well as delivering another module where the focus will be on Meditation and Guided Imagery - see the website for details.

But now for a bit more context. I was released from hospital the day before this recent training began at our old Yarra Valley Living Centre. So I was still severely debilitated and barely able to get out of bed. Great place for convalescing, and the Brahma Kumaris who are now running the Centre were very kind and attentive to me, but Ruth carried the bulk of my care, along with presenting the program. How amazing was that!

I did manage to put in a cameo appearance on the last day but was still deeply exhausted by the time we made it home. Now, happily, a week later, steady but slow progress is being made and this is the first day without a real down time.

So this recent illness has been very tough, but so heartening to be with Ruth as she comes fully back into herself; in fact, quite clearly she has emerged from her own tough times with a new strength and inner confidence. 

What a delight! 

What a joy! 

The power of love in action…

 

RELATED BLOGS

1.     The Gawler Meditation Teacher training – May and November 2024

2.     Ruth’s Back Pain, Long COVID and Recovery – Part 1 – Back Pain

3.     Ruth’s Back Pain, Long COVID and Recovery – Part 2 Long COVID begins

4.     Ruth’s Back Pain, Long COVID and Recovery – Part 3 – The Nightmare and the Recovery

WEBSITE:  LINK